without her kiss,

It will be a miracle
if I ever find a love again

it will be a miracle
if the fire in my engine re-lights

it will be a miracle
if this grief and loneliness
does not eventually
turn my hand
to flip the switch of oblivion

it will be a curse
to live to the end of my days
with no other lover
and with out the joy of a passionate kiss

and therefor
it will be a miracle
and a blessing
to commit the unforgivable sin
and so assert
that this pain
and lifeless emptiness
and every mistake I made
can not be forgiven by me

forgiveness means nothing
without her kiss.

the ghost will walk and wail

love
that satisfies
and gratifies
and so delights
and makes us rejoice again
instead of curse these lonely nights

oh love
oh love
where is she now?

the one I had is lost forever
and no one is for me now.

when Love is the pain
and the disease and the damnation
what is the cure?

God is not the cure
for the longing for love
the love that longs to taste the lover's lips

Jesus paid the price of sin
and surely heaven waits
but let death come then when it may
i dream of fleshly gates.

this damn world
of fallen rocks
this pitiful pit of pain
and all those people condemned to hell
i think of them and this i tell
it matters not if god is god
or what sins have transpired
jesus only paid what he already owed us
and still some debts outstanding

oh' art can not cure
a broken heart
nor craft
nor time
nor music
nor rhyme

death can kill a broken heart broken
and cease its troubled beating

but still the ghost will walk and wail
until the eons of long time
erodes its ghostly specter mind
and it becomes nor more than wisps
of breeze that blow past the abyss.

down to nothing

I thought that I was doing ok
and that slowly somehow i could live without you
But I see that picture of you with him
I don't know who he is
but you look so happy
and I am crushed again
down to nothing

god please kill me.

right now

to late at night
sleepless and useless
yesterday was a significant day
but no longer mine to acknowledge.

so right now
I am on the edge of the end of the day
this today is still my yesterday
stretching wearily into the sleepless night.

Her clock tics
I know not how
and mine is fast approaching
It is only the rhythm of my longing for her still.

The death of us is sinking so slowly into me
and the now is impossible to savage
I am broken here in this broken place
only attracting brokenness to me.

I am trying to let go
but my body hurts
and all that i do seems to accomplish nothing
I still keep crying from time to time.

like
right now.

Three more days from now.

Every day just rolls by
and the night never ends
when its February
and the lights not coming in
and once again now
like some recurring bad bad dream
I am sitting here alone again
thinking bout what has been

and I still miss you
though maybe your fading away
and I still feel like I died inside
and I have nothing good to say

and I still think that this all wrong
that reality is making mistakes
and I really have to get my shit together
and stop being one of those flakes

I really really need to meet somebody
who might dig me and then make me feel good

its only three days left until your birthday
and I am making mix tapes in my mind
there is still the thinnest bridge that goes between us
but nature just isn't that kind.

I am still puzzled by the shape of reality
and the place I am right now
February sure seems to take forever

no way to make this better.

There may be no way to ever make this all better again.

I need someone who is better than you
and you were as good as it gets.

I need someone who I can look at
and say
there is no one more beautiful
not ever or today.

I need someone whose kiss
will fit right into my mouth
and someone who can understand
that if she makes me happy
I will shed sweet and sour tears
that are still for you.

I need someone to remove you from my thoughts
and from my soul.

I am only just going through the motions
of a life now.

eating and working and sleeping like crap.
I wish I could hate you.
I wish I could believe that any other love,
that any other woman, could ever
make up for losing you.

she is my blood.

I wake up again this morning
and you are the first thing on my mind.
i must have been dreaming about you

oh you are one of a kind.

I don't know how I will ever
find another lover like you
I don't see who could ever please
and make me forget about losing you.

I know that somehow the days will get warmer
and the grass will start to grow
I know there will be thunder and lightening
and that everything will start to flow

but in my heart the snow remains
and february never ends
you are my only sunshine
everything on you depends.

Really what I really want
is to just stop thinking about you.

and really what I really need
is to not feel the sound of your voice
right up against me

to not feel the way that
you displace the air

to not see your face
like a ghost in my mind

please don't you really think.
that you could do that for me.

I have been trying very hard
to inhale deeply and breath a sigh

I have been trying very hard
to let go of this pain
that only makes me want to die.

you are so sweet
you always have a tender word
but its only i'm sorry
I know you know how that feels.

Where i am these days
it really seems so absurd
this not having you now
it just doesn't seem real.

I keep trying
to believe in another kiss
and I keep on trying
but so far it isn't sincere

and i really need
to be brave about this
but all I can do
is to give in to fear.

all I really really want
is to just sit here
with my head down in my hands
feeling so damn down.